True Blessedness

Hello friends,

Everyone is feeling much better in our house this week! It sure isn't fun when EVERYONE in the house is sick - but we did enjoy a nice, cozy weekend doing absolutely nothing. :)

Allie is on the move! I'm not sure we can say she is "walking" yet because she still falls down quite a bit - but she sure is "stepping" a lot! She is up to walking about 8-12 steps at a time and is walking on her own from couch to couch. She has such a fun personality . . . independent, curious, loving. She learns new things everyday and it is so neat to watch her. Her vocabulary grows everyday, too! She is a great "copycat" talker and will try to mimic whatever you say. Of course my favorite word is "MaMa" which she says ALL day and it is music to my ears!! I love it! Here's some pictures from the past week . . .

Practicing her walking!

I have started working on the second book about Jacob's life. I must admit that this second book is much harder to do than the first. No journey through cancer is easy - but Jacob's was especially difficult. He suffered tremendously during the last several months of his treatment and we spent many months in the hospital - away from home and our other children. It is beyond hard to read and relive those terrible moments and I will be glad when I complete this book. It's not an easy thing to do - but printing his story and my journal is very important to me. I want it for my children and grandchildren . . . so even though the process is painful - I know that one day I will be so glad to have this book to pass on and share Jacob's life. Also, I am afraid of losing Jacob's journal from some type of computer failure - so I am anxious to get it done!

However in working on the book yesterday - I came across the following journal entry and it really hit me hard - especially after my update on Friday. After reading the journal below - I realized that Friday wasn't a bad day after all. In fact it was a truly blessed day. Here is the definition of a BAD DAY - my day on August 8, 2005 . . .


"Life has been hard, my friends - very, very hard. I have not left the hospital or taken a shower in 3 days. I have shed many tears and worried myself sick. I have cleaned up vomit, diarrhea and changed many beds. I have prayed constantly over my son’s body as I have watched him suffer this week. These have without a doubt been the darkest days of my life. But I am not complaining at all - for my part is so easy compared to all that Jacob has endured during the past week.

This chemo regimen has taken a toll on Jacob and he has never been so sick and miserable. It has been a nightmare watching my beautiful son who was so full of life a week ago become so violently ill. Jacob’s counts have all dropped drastically and he already needed a red blood cell transfusion today. He has suffered so much this week with vomiting, fevers, severe diarrhea, fluid retention, low sodium, port clotting, painful urination, struggling with taking all the medications & severe discomfort - and it has only gotten worse each day. Today he woke up vomiting blood (which scared me beyond belief). After calling the nurse in a panic who in turned called the doctor - it was determined that Jacob’s stomach lining is bleeding due to the chemo. Blood is also in his urine & diarrhea now, too. They have since put Jacob on medication to help control the bleeding and he is on a continuous morphine drip to make him comfortable - and for the most part it seems to be working.

Nothing is harder than watching your child suffer while fighting with all of his might.

“Suffering has no meaning unless we can believe that God understands our pain and can heal it. In the suffering of Jesus we have that assurance.”
Billy Graham

Jacob is so weak and very tired - yet he is still so very strong. His pain tolerance must be sky high as he never complains. He finds comfort in snuggling close and holding my hand - which I am also so willing to do. If he wakes up and finds that I am not right next to him, he calls out, “I need Mommy!” I always answer back with, “No, I NEED you!” and that is so very true. But I am so glad that I can still comfort him even if I can’t take away the pain. Donnie and I are trying hard to focus on Jacob’s HEALING and not on his suffering. We have to hang onto hope and believe with all of our hearts that through all of this - Jacob is healing. And if anything is suffering - we hope that it is all of those darn cancer cells.

We are waiting for Jake to start feeling better - but it probably won’t happen till his counts start rebounding which is usually 10-14 days after chemo. This is only day 3. Oh how we can’t wait for brighter days - as we desperately want out of this dark valley. And it just overwhelms me with sadness to know that Jacob will have to endure all of this again and again with each round of chemo over the next several months. But I have so much hope in the Lord and I have so much faith in my amazing Jacob. I will love him and help him and be with him every step of the way - he is so worth fighting for! And I know without a doubt that God will be right there with him, too. With that being said, let me share with you another guest book entry about my amazing son.

“Amazing... a word so over used, and yet so inadequate when describing beautiful Jacob. He innocently lives his life, bravely facing all that comes his way, never suspecting the power his pure heart wields- touching people far and wide, bringing us together, helping us focus on what truly matters, strengthening us. AMAZING.”

Of course, I have more than one amazing son - in fact God has blessed me with 3 more wonderful little guys - and it has been quite difficult being away from them this past week. Kyle, Brandon & Devin started school on Thursday. Donnie was able to go home early that morning to get them ready & take them on their first day and I was able to be there to pick them up! The day was sad to begin with since it was Brandon & Devin’s first day of kindergarten - but it was harder knowing that Jacob couldn’t be with them. Devin cried the first day when Daddy left - but he did great the next day! Overall, I think they both enjoyed it and really like all their teachers! I think Devin summed up everything perfectly though: When I asked him if he fell asleep during rest time he said, “No, I thought about Jacob.” Yep, that made me cry!

The boys came to the hospital for the weekend - but only Brandon stayed the night. It was great to see them all - they are such a wonderfully noisy distraction for all of us! =) I miss the boys terribly and hate that they are back in school because they can’t come to visit as often. My mom, brother and Dad & Nancy and our pastor came over several times, too - bringing us dinner and running errands for us. We are so thankful to have so much support and such a wonderful family! Of course Jacob wasn’t really up to many visitors as he slept most of the time, but Donnie and I were glad they were here.

Well, looks like I’ve written another novel! Just means that we have too much going on in our lives right now. Thanks so much for checking on us. I’m really hoping I have better news to report with the next update! Jacob still has such a long, hard battle ahead of him. Please stay constant in your prayers for him. Pray for his strength, happiness and comfort. Pray that Jacob has a miraculous healing on earth . . .and believe it will happen!

“On Him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers.“
2 Corinthians 1:10-11

And know how very much we feel all the love, support, encouragement & prayers. It is what gets us through each day and we can’t thank you enough!

~ HOPE ~ BELIEVE ~ PRAY ~ FROG ~ In Jacob’s complete healing on earth!
Lots of love, big hugs and filled with gratitude,
~Heather & Family~"


This update hurts to read. I hurt for Jacob and all that he went through. I hurt for the boys not having me there on their first day of school. My heart hurts because I miss Jacob so very much - EVERYDAY. I hurt for all the families who have a child with cancer and are going through those same struggles right now. And although I want nothing more in this world than to have Jacob here with me - I am at peace knowing that he will never, ever experience a day like that again. I am at peace knowing that Jacob is FREE from the binds of cancer. FREE from the pain and suffering and tears. He is safe in the arms of God now and he knows nothing but JOY! And after having days like that with Jacob - a bad day for me has been redefined. My day on Friday didn't come close to being a bad day. It was just a day filled with normal, everyday chaos - which is nothing short of a blessing.

"True blessedness, Jesus says, begins with deep sadness."
Max Lucado

Ending with a scripture . . .

"God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted."
Matthew 5:4

Truly blessed everyday,