"Therefore groan, son of man! Groan before them with broken heart and bitter grief."
Ezekiel 21:6
Hello friends,
It is hard to believe that we are approaching Jacob's second anniversary in Heaven. May & June will always be difficult months for our family as we remember those days leading up to Jacob's passing . . . they are truly the darkest days of my life - filled with such fear, heartache and painful memories.
We have so many special, happy memories of Jacob that always bring a smile to my face. But unfortunately we also have those painful memories that make this time of year so difficult! Those memories of praying all night and clinging to HOPE. Those memories of watching Jacob suffer and slowly deteriorate in spirit and health. Those memories of Jacob taking his last breath on earth and slipping away from us . . . until we can wrap our arms around him again in Heaven! Yes, some memories just hurt.
Those memories still bring me to my knees . . . still cause the tears to fall abundantly . . . still grip my heart with so much pain. Yes, two years later - there are still moments when grief swallows me whole - leaving me gasping for air and crying out to God. I embrace those times of sorrow, letting grief wash over me - cleansing my soul. Sorrow is my time with Jacob and is such a personal time with God! I welcome it and some days I just plain need it. Yet it always leaves me feeling so broken . . .
I was feeling broken and alone in my own grief yesterday when I found out about the death of a local pastor (and father of 6) and his 13-year old son in a plane crash. (You can read the story HERE.) We did not personally attend his church, but we have many friends who did. The story is tragic and devastating to our community as we mourn the loss of two wonderful lives. But my heart and prayers went immediately to the pastor's wife - who has lost a husband and a son on the same day. I can only imagine the overwhelming grief that consumes her heart right now. Please join me in praying for this mother and wife . . . and their entire church family. They have all suffered such a tremendous loss.
Life is precious and fragile . . . you just never know what might happen that could change your life forever. We are ALL broken in this world - yet our blessings our abundant when we trust God and realize that he loves us - even in our grief, despair and brokenness.
Jacob's illness was such a long and painful journey and his death brought so much devastation and sorrow into our hearts. But despite our broken hearts and bitter grief, God embraced us with His grace and love in such a powerful way. He blessed our broken lives - always filling our hearts with peace and love and sprinkling our days with moments of joy. God is good and faithful! And I just can't imagine traveling through this valley of grief without Him. God comforts me greatly with His promise of Heaven . . . filling my life with endless HOPE!
"Death is deliverance to life beyond your imagining."
By Joseph Bayly
By Joseph Bayly
No matter where you are in life - may you celebrate each day as the gift that it is and thank God for the blessings!
Ending with a scripture . . .
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Psalm 34:18
Broken - yet so very blessed,
Broken - yet so very blessed,
Ending with a few precious pictures of Allie . . . because she is a constant reminder that despite my broken life - I am blessed in so many ways!
Yes, Nancy made the dress!(It's actually a pant outfit - but was a little big so we are using it as a dress for now!)
This is the face I get when I tell her to say, "CHEESE."
Pretty cheesy! :)
This is the face I get when I tell her to say, "CHEESE."Pretty cheesy! :)
33 comments:
Heather, thank you for being so open with us about what you are going through. Your faith and dependence on God is inspiring and uplifting ... and the grief you face each day in unimaginable. I will be praying for you during these difficult months and also for the pastor and his son's family.
Heather,
My eyes tear up reading this. I simply cannot imagine losing one of my children.
I want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers often and I will be remembering you especially this month and next as I know it is so difficult.
I'll be remembering the pastor's family as well. That is tragic!
I just can't wait until we all get to heaven and are all rejoicing together. Like the song says..."When we all see Jesus, we'll sing and shout the victory!"
Love you,
Valerie
I know these months are hard for you and your family. I will keep all of you in my prayers.
Allie always seems to put a smile on my face. She sure is a cutie!
God Bless you and your family.
Dear Heather,
I'm so sorry to hear about the pastor and his son from your community. The only consolation is that we know where they are now. It seems like there are so many tragic stories of death right now all around our world such as in China and Myanmar. The thought of the loss of so many precious children grieves me. My husband is a counselor with hospice, so I sometimes feel overwhelmed with all of the loss surrounding me. Yet I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Heaven is real and Jesus is the way!
I would love to join you in prayer for the pastor's family and your family during this season. Will you join me in praying for the many families who are losing loved ones in hospice as well as those in Myanmar and China?
"For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." Matthew 18:20
Tracie
http://thecupishalf-full.blogspot.com/
Heather,
I am praying for you. Thanks for sharing - you're a blessing.
Allie is adorable. Love the dress!
Peace and Hugs,
Becca
Heather,
I wish with all my heart that Jacob was still here with his loving family, my heart aches for you. I admire your strength and courage through the rough times. Your faith amazes me and someday you will see your sweet amazing Jacob again. I love Allie's sweet smile and I know what a blessing she is to your family....
Love & Frog
Carmen
I am crazy about you Heather. You are so blessed and such a blessing to many (including me). Thank you for sharing your heart...and AS ALWAYS Allie is too cute! You can see her passion and zest for life in her eyes. Reminds me so much of my Makensie.
I heard of the passing of pastor and his son yesterday. I have thought so much and prayed for the mother/wife and rest of the family.
Hope you are enjoying your week! r
Heather - Just stopping in to let you know that I will be thinking and praying for you and yourentire family during this painful time surrounding these sad anniversaries ... I will continue to think of you all ... God Bless!
Thank you for stopping by and saying hello ... your site introduced me to so many wonderful bloggers ...
Thank you Heather!
Rebekah, Jaden and Baby#2 TOO!
She really does make you smile, doesn't she??
I can't imagine what this time is like for you. You amaze me with your words. But, you are so right, you are with Jacob in your times of grief. He is always a part of what you do. Look at the little angel he sent you.
Praying for you...as you go through this hard time.
Some anniversaries are just HARD....aren't they?
*************************
Your baby's smile sure lights up my computer screen!
Oh Dear Heather,
How I remember two years ago and how heart wrenching your posts were back then. Jacob was so very sick and we all were praying for his healing. Well you know, he got it, just not here on earth. May you feel the comfort of the Holy Spirit during these days. I'll certainly be in prayer, remembering your family during this time.
Thank you for seeing the silver lining and still being able to feel blessed in the midst of sadness. You continue to inspire me. May God continue to bless your precious family. I know that Jacob is watching over you.
Praying for all of you. It's hard for me to believe that it's been almost two years since Jacob was physically here. I can't imagine your heartache but know that I'm praying for you.
I read about the Pastor and his son last night, as he used to work at a church in Baton Rouge. I'm so very broken for this family.
Love the pics of Allie. This is by far my favorite outfit yet! Love the design and the colors are great! She is so beautiful.
Much love and many blessings.
Heather
I will pray for your strength in the month of May and June. I really don't think it gets better. Your right though your faith in God and the hope of your reuniting with Jacob will carry you through these difficult times. Remember Footprints it's the time we can't make it ourselves so Jesus carrys us through. I will pray for your community as they grieve this termendous loss; what is happening in our world with death so in the news? Allie well what can you say she just takes that grief right out of you; don't you think that is Jacob hiding inside her????
She is such a little beauty! And her Mama is beautiful too. Your words penetrate my heart and I can feel your pain. However, I also feel your amazing, beautiful hope. You motivate me daily to enjoy this life, love my children even more, and turn to the Lord in everything. Thank you!
It's hard to believe that he's even gone let alone that it's almost been two years....Continuing to pray!
Romans 15:13 Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.
Heather,
My heart continues to hurt for you, I can only imagine the pain that is in yours, with missing your precious Jacob. I miss him too, and I can not believe it's been almost 2 years. I remember that day like yesterday, yet it seems like so long ago, and then it still doesn't feel real. I just think how this could even be possible, it's just NOT supposed to be like this. There is only one thing I know for sure and that is we WILL see Amazing Jacob in Heaven when we all get home, and I Thank God for that, I thank God for Jacob and I thank God for bringing Allie into your life. I continue to pray for you my friend, Everyday!
Have a Wonderful Thursday!
Much Love,
Audra
Heather,
I remember 2 years ago, like it was yesterday. My heart breaks for you. I will continue to pray for you, your family and definitely the Pastor's wife during these difficult times.
Thank you for sharing your life with us. You are truly an inspiration to everyone of us.
On a lighter note, Allie is so darn cute! :) love those handmade outfits, they are precious.
Maureen
Oh, Heather, I know exactly how you feel. It seems that I go into a mini depression from the middle of November until after the first of the year. I KNOW that I have SO MANY things to be thankful for, and yet as you say, we can't escape the memories. I will increase my prayers for you and your family. You are right - there is no one except for GOD ALMIGHTY that can carry you through. I'm SO THANKFUL that HE gave you Allie, such a BEAUTIFUL and CUDDLY distraction!
And Allie's clothes - WOW! Nancy is SOOOOOOO TALENTED! A friend of ours took my sister & me on around Christmas and attempted to teach us to sew. I got the top of a baby blanket made, but never finished it. LOL!! I'm pretty sad when it comes to being domestic. HA!!!!!
Oh, I emailed you about the clothes, you can answer at your convenience.
PRAYING HARD, MY FRIEND!
I love you,
Tonya
Heather,
You are such an incredible mom and gift to us all. Thanks for letting us join you on this journey. God couldn't have chosen a more perfect messanger. We are all thinking of you and remembering Jacob. With love.
What a precious girl - I will be thinking about and praying for you - I couldn't read past 2nd anniversary because i knew i would cry!
I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that Jacob will be gone for almost two years. Although this is a very sad time for all of you, a very happy time is fast approaching --- Jacob, Devin and Brandon's 8th birthday. I am sure Allie's "bubbas" will have a wonderful celebration.
Heather,
Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers daily. My sister-in-law has a cousin that is 2 and was diagnosed AT/RT. She spent a lot of last year at St. Jude. Thankfully she has had clear scans and is home on oral chemo. It has really opened my eyes up to childhood cancer and it is amazing how many sweet children and families are affected by it. You can visit her site at caringbridge.org and type in "brookjohnson"
I can not imagine your loss or your sense of pain, but know that you and your family are certainly in my prayers.
You are so wise. Your brokeness is one that many could never get over and yet you continue to rely on God and his source for strength. I remember Jacob's passing away as it's my very good friends birthday. I keep thinking of that day also and can only hope and pray that you have such joy as you remember him and that the bad memories are distant. We all love you and are blessed from you. Please know that there are many praying for you!
Praying for the pastor and his son,also praying you through the difficult months ahead. I also rejoice in the fact that Jacob is ever present in your lives and a constant presence in your daily activities! I can remember Jacobs journey so vividly! I recall the sad entries, the faith filled entries, but the most inspiring were the ones where Jacob exhibited TRUE STRENGTH and THAT WONDERFUL JACOB SMILE!!! Oh what a smile that child had, it truly warmed you from the inside out!!
Speaking of smile....Look at that ALLIE GRIN, that baby girl exudes happiness!!
I have to agree w/Tonya entry above: NANCY IS SOOOOOOOO TALENTED!!
I LOVE THAT OUTFIT!! TRULY BEAUTIFUL COLORS W/ALLIE'S SKIN TONE!! OMG I LOVE NANCY TO PIECES!!!!
The seamstress w/the keeness!!!!!
KEEP 'EM COMING NANCY!!!!!!
Heather,
I am always so amazed by your blog because it is one of the "happiest" places I visit and yet you have endured so much pain. I look at you with such admiration and respect! You are a visual reminder of God's grace. Every time you post pictures of Jacob I can't believe that he is gone. He looks so alive and happy. And yet, in spite of how painful the loss must have been Allie has obviously brought much joy to your lives.
Thank you for sharing so much of your life with us, it is truly God-honoring!
Love,
Kelley
Thank you for this post. I needed the reminder to "celebrate each day as the gift that it is". That is difficult for me right now, but it's exactly what I should be doing. Counting my blessings instead of focusing on the negative.
You are an inspiration.
Sheryl
Heather -- You will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers at this very difficult time of year.
Cute pictures of your sweet baby girl too! Love her shirt/dress!
Your open heart and surrender to God are such a beautiful example to all of us. Each time I read about Jacob my heart is overwhelmed with emotions. It makes it difficult for me to even fathom the feelings that wash over you. You are in my prayers and heart. Hugs, Angel
Heather,
You are an amazing person, and as 2 years draw near please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Jacob is an insperation, as is your entire family. I know as My Grandma enteres Heaven 2 days after Jacob, she was greeted by his great smile and they are there smiling upon us.
Sorrow has a mysterious way of ushering us in to the throne room of God. "Blessed are those who mourn" seems unbelievable... until we have truly mourned our losses.
I feel your pain Heather. You are doing the right thing by letting it all wash over you: "Sorrow is my time with Jacob and is such a personal time with God! I welcome it and some days I just plain need it."
(((Big Hugs))) to you,
e-Mom
Hi Heather,
Your story touched my heart. I also have a child in Heaven. Kaitlyn Miranda. She was just a little over two years old when she passed away from a horrible long virus. She taught us many things. That was way back in 1994. Even years later her smile in a picture brings tears to my eyes. She would of been 16. I have a nine year old boy and a twelve year old girl. Thanks for sharing.
Tanya
www.mirandakay.wordpress.com
www.momsathome.blogspot.com
I have been surrounded by loss this week. So many close friends whose lives have been torn apart by tragedy. Thank you for sharing and being so honest about the journey that you make in the loss of something so precious and sacred in your life. It gives hope to me to pass on to my friends that life will and does go on...though not the same but you can live again. I will be in prayer for the family you spoke of~
Hi Heather. The fourteenth anniversary of the death of my daughter kaitlyn Miranda is June 4thst. MY other daughter, Hope will be turning twelve on June 1st. It's always a bittersweet time. Even after all these years you never forget. I will keep you in my heart and prayers. The pictures of your family are beautiful!
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