I am a relatively quiet and private person. I know that's hard to believe . . . since my blog makes our life very public, but it is very true. And it is always important to remember that you only see a small glimpse of a person's life through their blog. But I am more of a listener (& a writer) than a talker. I prefer to be in the background and I don't like to draw attention to myself . . . it makes me uncomfortable and I have been that way my whole life.
Despite my desires to remain anonymous, life keeps throwing these surprises at me that forces me out of my private comfort zone . . .
The first surprise being the triplets! Yes, it is pretty hard not to draw a crowd when you take 3 babies out in public. It looked like a 3-ring circus when I took the triplets + Kyle out and I attracted way more attention than I ever wanted. And I was always so shocked at the fact that people felt like they had the right to ask me very personal questions about the boys' conception, birth and personalities. And even though I wanted to fade so badly into the background - I always felt like people were watching me as I struggled with 3 babies and an active 2 year old. But I soon learned that I could use this opportunity to share the miracle of our triplets and God's love to all who would listen!
Then three years later, Jacob was diagnosed with cancer and once again I found people staring at our family when we went out . . . looking at Jacob's beautiful bald head with questioning eyes. And again people felt they had the right to ask me personal questions . . . about Jacob and his illness. I felt that people were always watching us - with their eyes filled with pity. But I soon learned that I could use this opportunity to raise awareness about childhood cancer and tell Jacob's story - while sharing our faith and God's glory.
And now I find ourselves drawing attention once again because of our adoption of Allie. Yes, she does look different from us and it is quite obvious that she is adopted. And again I find complete strangers asking me personal questions about Allie and her adoption. Rarely do I go anywhere without being asked about our beautiful daughter. But again I am learning that I can use this opportunity to share the miracle of adoption - while sharing God's blessings.
I used to struggle with the invasion of my privacy and quite honestly it took me a while to learn how to handle the stares, the attention and the questions. It was truly a learning experience for me as I grew out of my very private and comfortable existence. But it is amazing how God can use these moments in our life so that we can share His love, share our faith and bring glory to Him. I have learned that despite the stares, the questions and the comments . . . most people mean well. And I can choose to ignore them or choose to step out of my comfort zone and share my heart . . . and how faithful God has been to our family . . . How He has covered us with His love and grace through the good times and the bad.
I still consider myself a pretty private person . . . but I'm learning that I sure can talk a lot about triplets, Jacob, childhood cancer and adoption! :)
I have learned that our family is very different from most . . . from triplets, to cancer, to losing a child, to adopting a daughter from Guatemala . . . our family is not ordinary at all and we have drawn all kinds of attention over the past 8 years. Some good, some bad. But I have 2 choices - to handle the situation with bitterness or to handle it with grace. I try hard to choose grace . . . although I will admit that some questions really test me! ;) And sometimes it still makes me uncomfortable . . . but each experience has brought me closer to God in a way I never could have imagined. And I have learned that when I am out of my comfort zone is when I cling to Jesus and feel His strength the most!
--Mother Theresa
Ending with a scripture . . .
"It's your heart, not the dictionary, that gives meaning to your words. Words are powerful; take them seriously."
Matthew 12:36-37
The Message
Branching out of my comfort zone,
23 comments:
What a beautiful entry. Thanks for sharing that. I followed Jacob and love to come here to catch a glimpse of him and your beautiful family. All the best.
Heather,
I know I am just one of many, many people who have been blessed by your willingness to share your life with us through your writing. Even though we do only see a glimpse into your world, you've helped us to better understand our own and inspired us to live with grace and love and gratefulness.
Thank you for giving of yourself and being a vessel through which God can teach us all!
Jennifer Castro
Texas
Isn't that JUST like God to give us COMFORT when we are asked to move out of OUR comfort zone. His FAITHFULNESS always makes my heart leap. And on days when my heart is aching, his faithfulness is always there to remind me that this view is only temporary and to not let it cloud my ETERNAL VIEW! What an amazing God, Friend, Comforter, Companion, Daddy, and Savior we have!
Have a wonderful day!
heather.... i dont get 2 sign very often 4 i have a very active 2 year old who also has down syndrome n is deaf. so can totally relate 2 this blog about the stares n the questions from people when we r out n about. i also believe that god sends us these people so they can learn n we can raise awareness about cancer n down syndrome
Heather you convey a gentle spirit, mixed w/a zest for life and a fierce love for your family. I feel honored to "a part of your household" on a weekly basis, while you have chosen MERE STRANGERS to share your life with and yes, some who are NOT SO NICE, is nothing short of GOD USING YOU AS A VESSEL to continue to carry his message of love! Thank you once again for sharing your beautiful family w/me and I pray that when the times comes you will "shut the window" of your lives, GOD will continue to carry your family in his loving arms.
Funny you should write about this today Heather. I have only one son - Scott is 7, and after a series of miscarriages we have been thinking about adoption. I had not thought about what reaction would be from others to the adopted child in terms of being a different race (we had thought about adopting from China). The other day, at the kids hairdressers a lady came in with her son and daughter, her son was clearly her biological and her daughter was from China. It instantly hit me, how would I make the adopted child feel secure, happy etc .. since they of course will always be different. I'd love to hear more about that from you on your blog. I continue to be inspired by you and your beautiful family and I miss Jacob terrible even though I only 'knew' him through your website.
Everyone loves you. You are the nicest person with the sweetest family. Thanks for sharing.
Karen in Texas
I'm a very private person too. I was hesitant to start a blog because I do not really like to "share" my life with others. As you can see, I rarely share my own thoughts and feelings on my blog. :)
I can honestly say that I've never gone up to anyone and asked about their multiple children or obviously adopted child(ren). I feel that it isn't my business.
I'm so glad that you have shared your wonderful family with us though.
I pray that you Duckworths have a great weekend.
Heather ~ "Grace" is an understandment of how you have carried yourself and handled everything the past few years since I've "known" you...
May God continue to use your grace to touch and teach others...
You handle all of life's curveballs with the most amazing grace. I am not sure that I would handle things as well as you have. As far as the comments on the triplets... LOL! I remember some of those. I can remember taking the boys to the aquarium and while you were in the bathroom having a man come up to me and ask me if the triplets were natural or artifical. And being 19 and not a mother, I could not for the life of me figure out what he meant! Then he went on to share that he and his wife were trying to conceive and that they had been told that they could possibly end up with multiples. I cannot really remember what I said, but I was sure embarassed!!! My favorite was getting asked how I lost all of the baby weight from having triplets. That one always made me laugh! I want you to know that I hold those memories of my summer with your boys so close to my heart. I love each of them so very much. I still think back on all of those times with such fondness. You have really taught me a lot about being a mother. I just hope that I can be as good of one as you are to my own son. I love you all. And I am glad that Kyle enjoyed his presents. I will try and figure out something to send for Brandon and Devin next month.
Oh I so understand the feeling of being stared out and questioned as far as adotpion goes :) I get looked at all the time and with my son and Daughter being African American and Hispanic I get the questions all the time. One person asked me if all those kids were mine I said yes thn she pointed to my son and daughter and said even those two ? I said yes.
One time I really got them I was so tired of hearing it that one person said Is that boys yours ? I said Yes My mailman is African American. The person loooked shocked then just about fell over laughing!
BUT I SOOOO KNow how you feel . And I love the thing you put on before How Love makes you a family! SOOOO TRUE!!!!!!!
Heather,
You have no idea what your postings mean to so many people, or how many hearts you touch. I love your bible verses and your inspirational messages. Who would know you were such a private person when you share with so much heart and soul? I am thankful you do what you do, with all you have to do! Keep up the great job. And give all of those kiddo's a big hug, they are lucky to have you!!!
Love, Linda
Heather,
I think adoption is great. So many children in this world need parents. I don't think you have to give birth to a child for it to be yours. Gracie is my child as much as either one of my children. I just wish I could adopt her. I wish I knew she would be my child forever. She did tell me if I would go outside with her today she would stay with me forever, lol.
I have always jumped on my Mom for talking to people in doctors offices. I had cervical cancer when I was 28. I came out of the doctors office and she was talking to everybody in the waiting area about my surgery I had to have. I was scared and didn't want to talk to total strangers about a hysterectomy.
One woman ask me if I highlighted Gracie's hair. I was horrified over that question, lol. Do people dye children's hair?
I think your family is wonderful and I love reading your blog. Love the boys and baby girl.
Carmen
I am with you on comfort zones. Unlike you, we only started to stand out in a crowd when Reese came home. I try to use it as an opportunity to educate, but sometimes I just want to be "normal" But, what is normal? My worry is Reese feeling different. I work to make sure that he is not "that kid you adopted" but our son.
You have a beautiful family, They have a great Mom to thank for that.
Another great post Heather!
As always you capture our hearts with your words, your life and testimony.
God knew what a very SPECIAL person He needed to trust with all the many blessings he gave to you.
"But it is amazing how God can use these moments in our life so that we can share His love, share our faith and bring glory to Him..."
And this is just what you've done, and I'm so grateful for that♥
Another WONDERFUL post friend. I adore that quote from Mother Theresa. I just may have to swipe it. ;0) Angel
Heather,
Thank you for sharing that post. You are truly and amazing person with an amazing family. I always love to see pictures of your family they are truly beautiful. Thank you agian for sharing your life with is here in blogger world, and Jacob for us in Caringbridge world. You can never truly know the effect you have had on my life as well as I am sur emay others.
We didn't have any of that and people still felt the need to ask personal questions...I think people are just nosy...I mean curious.
Know that I'm here praying.
Romans 8:38-39 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Heather,
I am so glad that you share your life through this blog! Your willingness to be open and "real" gives me such hope and obviously you bless many others! I know what it is like to be asked a lot of personal questions about children. I have heard all kinds throughout the years but I have learned not to take it personally. God knows exactly what He is doing.....
By the way, THANK YOU for your encouragement on the blog design stuff. I gave it a try and re-designed my blog page. I had so much fun doing it I am sure I will be changing it a lot!
Take care and enjoy your family this weekend!
Love,
Kelley
I am so thankful that you have gone out of your comfort zone telling your story about your beautiful little Jacob. He has changed so many including me and not only made us aware of cancer but taught us how to FROG. You are a blessing to us all!!
Heather,
First of all I want to tell you how much I look forward to looking at your blog and seeing the pictures of your kids.
What sweet pictures of the triplets!
You bless me with your positive attitude and your love for your family.
I do understand about the attention thing. I do not like attention either. You're right though, you have such opportunities to share what God has done in your life.
I love your beach pictures. I live in dullsville, OK with not a pretty beach for miles and miles.
We have some nice lakes though, so I guess I'll settle for that. I'm a water person.
Have a great weekend! You are a blessing.
Love,
Valerie
I am starting to wonder if I am not approachable enough...I rarely get questions and it is quite obvious the younger two do NOT look like me. :) (I am as pasty white as can be) I was all prepared for them too. Like you said, I use any questions I do get to just share the joy of adoption. I just wish sometime people would ask me instead of sit there and wonder. :)
Reba
Thanks for posting this as a reminder that God uses all things for the good of Him ... and that He uses as a vessels to show His precious love! You are a living reminder of that every day!
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